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How the Hebrew names for "fear" helped me find more courage

6/18/2022

I was unprepared for how the nearly infinite flatness of the Sacramento Valley would affect me the first time I saw it.

It was the summer of 2013 and I was on my way to visit my fiancée's (now husband's) family in his hometown of Davis for the first time. On both sides of I-80, we were flanked by fields filled with giant sunflowers, which were stunning.

But it was the massive — and I mean enormous — blue sky that seemed to reach up into infinity that shocked me. It was so BIG. I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowed hard, then looked up at it again, my stomach almost sick from all that space.

My brain seemed to think that I would somehow become unstuck from gravity and float uncontrollably up into this vacuum of space, never to be seen again. I imagined that astronauts felt a similar sense of terror when they first step outside the safe confines of the space station for their first spacewalks.

I am originally from northeastern Oklahoma — you know, "where the winds go whistlin' down the plains"? Wide-open spaces should not freak me out. But even Oklahoma has slightly rolling hills and trees and structures.

The Sacramento Valley didn't have any of this.

Given that I was about to meet my future in-laws for the first time (and all my fiancee's close high school friends), you'd think I would've been more worried about making a good impression than physically spinning off into space.

But no — it was those wide-open skies that invoked a type of fear I'd never before experienced.

Speaking of fear, one of my all-time favorite nonfiction books is Playing Big by Tara Mohr. It's about how women can stop playing small and start playing bigger in their careers. In Chapter 3, Mohr describes how she discovered that the Hebrew Bible lists two different words for fear: pachad and yirah.

Pachad is" 'the fear of the phantom, the fear whose object is imagined.' Pachad is the overactive, irrational fear that stems from worries about what could happen, about the worst-case scenarios we imagine," said Mohr.

Pachad keeps us playing small, from speaking up in meetings or inviting the new neighbor over to our messy house for coffee or drinks.

But there's a second kind of fear, known as yirah, which has three separate meanings:

The feeling that overcomes us when we inhabit a larger space than we are used to.
The feeling we experience when we suddenly come into possession of considerable more energy than we had before.
What we feel in the presence of the divine.

Mohr says this is our fear of stepping into our true power. It's when we're scared of taking on a social issue that we're passionate about, starting a new business or applying for a new job. It's also the fear that, just maybe, you'll be wildly successful and that success will threaten your sense of self, or even worse, make others uncomfortable. Huh.

Once I knew there were two kinds of fear, I could start to check in with myself whenever I sensed internal resistance.

"Is this yira?" — the irrational fear of the unknown, the proverbial monster under the bed, I would ask myself. "Or is it pachad?" -- the feeling of new energy coursing through me that I wasn't exactly sure how to handle.

Yira was the feeling I had when I hit send on this newsletter a couple of weeks ago, reaching out to women I hadn't contacted in over four years. Pachad is the feeling I have as I'm writing these words right now. They feel powerful but also a little overwhelming—big energy.

And when I think about it, the feeling of writing these words is not all that different from that highway in central California. The sky was endless, but then so was the potential.

Pachad often leads us astray. But yira leads us to who we are meant to be.

Which one are you feeling?

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Badass women backpackers: How we're different (and how you can be that way too)

6/1/2022

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What you'll find in this article:

The biggest mistakes I made as a newbie backpacker
Why women backpackers are different
How women can prepare mentally for backpacking

My very first solo backpacking selfie! September 2014.

The first time I went backpacking, it was by myself.

That makes me sound a lot more brave and badass than I really was. The truth of the matter was that I was struggling with my personal life — just getting over a divorce, raising a teenager, dealing with a job I hated — and I just needed to get the hell out of town. I’d been researching backpacking online, because I firmly believed (and still do) that the answers to all the world’s biggest questions can be found either on the trail or in a book.

I wanted to go. I needed to go. So I picked a local popular backpacking loop and I went.

Mistakes I Made
Looking back, there were clearly mistakes I made: I didn’t understand the gear I needed, and so I borrowed some from friends, and bought the rest at Wal-Mart or thrift shops (more on this later). I packed way too much food. I decided to use my phone as a map, and I didn’t check my tent poles before I went.

As it turns out, all these were all huge mistakes.

But I did a lot of stuff right. I brought my dog Howie, who proved to be the best backpacking companion I’ve ever had. I didn't overpack my pack (despite all the food), I didn’t panic when I got lost, and I got to see a porcupine close up and a black bear far off.

And I came out the other side a different woman.

That’s what I want for you. To be able to hit that balance that so many of us women strive for: to be prepared, but brave. To take risks, but measured risks. To get outside — and not hate it.

This guide is for women everywhere who ever wanted to sleep outside, beyond their backyards and go for an adventure. Women who wanted to prove to themselves (and possibly their social media followers) that they could do it.

This guide is for you.

Women Who Backpack: Why We're Different

But before we talk about how women backpackers are different from other women, I first want to talk about what traits women backpackers share. Of course we are all basically built with the same parts, and many of us share similar cultural and environmental upbringing.

But women backpackers also tend to be strong (in more ways than one), smart, driven and in search of something more. Generally, we value nature and its positive effects on our moods and psyches. We are cautious, but we're willing to take measured risks. We’re brave, yet conscientious.

In short, women backpackers are the best kind of people.

Women who backpack have unique personalities
Anecdotally speaking, we’re different from other women in our personalities — we tend to be open to learning new things, and often have grown up being told we could be anything we wanted (somehow the word “outdoorswomen” wasn’t really on our parents’ radars back then). We want to be the valedictorian of the backcountry!

Intellectually we know we’re supposed to accept failures as learning opportunities, but in our heart of hearts, we just want to be good.

It’s often overlooked that Cheryl Strayed, who wrote the quintessential woman-on-the-trail-memoir Wild was actually a fairly accomplished outdoorswoman before she set out on her famous Pacific Crest Trail trek.

She’d grown up in a house that didn’t have indoor plumbing, and had been on plenty of camping and hiking trips, both as a child and as an adult. She wasn’t fresh out of the day spa, looking for some fresh air — she was just desperate for some healing, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Maybe you’re desperate too. It’s a quiet desperation, but it’s there. You want to experience the thrill of doing it yourself. You want to know what it’s like to watch the sunset over a campfire you built yourself. You want to walk through the woods, and not worry about work, family, relationships or any of that bullshit you left behind.

That’s why we backpack.

Mental Preparation for Women Backpackers

If you take nothing else away from this post, it’s this: Backpacking is 75% a mental game. You have to have your head in the right place in order to both enjoy backpacking, and stay safe.

Lots of women assume that backpacking is going to be really dangerous — they have visions of falling off cliffs, getting attacked by wild animals or bad people, or just experiencing bad weather.

Let me be totally clear: All these things are EXTREMELY unlikely. EX-TREME-LY UNLIKELY.
Animals tend to leave you alone (unless you have food, and there are plenty of precautions that you can take to avoid that situation). Generally bad people like to prey on people who are easy targets — hiking 10 miles out to the middle of nowhere so you can rob a likely-badass lady just isn’t worth it for them. And bad weather? Well, I like say there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad preparation.

So how do you overcome these obstacles?
You get intellectually and physically prepared. This means that you decide that you’re going to work hard at getting to a place that feels comfortable for you. You can’t prepare for everything that might go wrong, but you can prepare for a lot. Research the hell out of what you need to bring, where you’re going, how you’ll travel and what you’ll do in an emergency.

In fact, you’ve already taken the biggest step of all by reading this post.

So what should you do if you’re one of those people who screams when a twig snaps and pictures rabid grizzly bears tearing you limb from limb?

Remember these three points:

Don’t get in over your head.
Keep a badass security blanket (a hunting knife or bear spray works well for this; I’ve also considered an air horn).
Decide to take the plunge.

Steps to Take To Prepare Mentally for Backpacking

First, take a hard look at your real fears and take steps to remove their power. Do you watch too many crime shows? Stop.

Start watching nature shows instead. I like movies like Wild (though the book was better), Mile, Mile and a Half and The Way as inspiration. Read Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods and Jon Krakauer’s Into the Wild. Change your thinking, change your life. It turns out that you are a backpacker!

Imagine yourself free of any obligation other than getting to your next campsite! No work. No family. No email, TV or news shows. Eventually your “city senses” start falling away and you return to a state where you can hear things, smell things and see things you couldn’t before. You start to remember that you are part of something bigger, part of the natural world. You are nature.

Physical Training
I cover this more thoroughly in another section, but just know that the physical training helps with the mental training. The stronger and more fit you feel, the more mentally prepared you’ll be to deal with anything the trail throws at you (though don’t wait until you’re in perfect shape to go backpacking — that day will never come!).

First, start small. Celebrate your small victories when they come, and set bigger goals.

Next, think hard about what a bad day on the trail might look like. What if it rains all day? What if it’s cold? What if you get lost? What if your gear doesn’t work? Every single one of those problems is workable — you just have to anticipate what they might be and then actually prepare for that possibility.

Finally, imagine what it will feel like after you’ve completed this feat. What pictures will you bring back? What stories will you tell? How will you feel about yourself — stronger? More confident? More relaxed? How will you feel when you're sucking down that shower beer you've saved just for this occasion?

So if you’ve never thought of yourself as “outdoorsy” or a backpacker, it’s time to start changing your thinking. Prepare, then take the risk. In fact, that’s pretty good advice for anything new you do in life.

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Nature is our compass. Books are our maps.

1/16/2020

This is how we find our way in a world that feels like constant chaos. Nature as our compass, books as our map.

Hundreds of years ago, when sailors were blown off course, they would chart their way back to their destination, by looking to the stars (especially when there were no other landmarks).

They measured the currents, tested the wind. With the sky, air and sea as their guide, they set sail to lands unknown.

When we feel stable, it’s because we know where we stand, where we are located in relation to the rest of the world. It is then that a map is most useful.

Books are messages in bottles, sent from people long ago and/or far away, showing us the way. That they, too, have been lost in the wilderness and found their way. They, too have been overrun by enemies outside and in, and fought their way back from the brink.

We look to books to know that we are not alone, that someone just like us (perhaps a bit wiser) has gone before, has made a path for us to follow. Books teach us how to do things, impossible things, everything from how to build a house to how to build a life. We open a book and escape to another world and come back changed.

We return to our everyday lives with more clarity, more compassion for ourselves and others. We are given a treasure trove of ideas and perspectives that otherwise we’d never know.

For a thousand years nature has been our cradle and our grave; our greatest refuge and our greatest enemy. It’s where we have worshiped and hunted and gathered and explored.

Modern life would have us lose that connection but it’s as easy as stepping outside and turning our faces to the sun to regain even a small amount of power that will guide us back to our true selves.

Then we pick up a book and know that anything is possible. That we’re not alone. That a path has been made ready for us.

All we need to do is begin.

5 Things You Need to Know About "My Absolute Darling" [BOOK REVIEW]

9/16/2019

Warning: the first two things "you need to know" about Gabriel Tallent's *My Absolute Darling (listed below) aren't exactly ringing endorsements for reading the book.

But you should DEFINITELY read this book (IF the first two things don't apply to you).

I really loved this book, but given the reviews at Goodreads, it's clear that this book wasn't everyone's cup of tea (shot of whiskey?), and in fact, the book was quite controversial. Given the book's subject matter relating to sexual trauma and a minor, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised.

Plot summary
Fourteen year old Turtle Alveston is being raised by her father Martin to be a survivor — he's taught her how to fire weapons, sharpen knives, navigate the coastal wilderness around their northern California and mistrust the outside world.

But Turtle isn't at all safe from the outside world — the kids at school, teachers who want to help, curious adults who knew her mother when she was alive. None of them could ever guess at how much her father loves her — or how terrifyingly manipulative he is.

Eventually, several events in Turtle's life force her to interact with the outside world, and she begins to open up. She begins to question her father's world, which puts her in danger — but also opens her eyes to what true friendship and caring looks like. In the end, Turtle must choose between the known force of her abusive father's love — and the unknown power of her own inner strength.

The most important aspects of this book
It involves sexual trauma, so as previously mentioned, it's definitely a trigger warning for women who have experienced their own sexual trauma. But I also have to emphasize (again) that the story is beautifully written, both in language and in its plotting. I couldn't put this book down!

Favorite quotes

“The time will come when your soul must be absolute with your conviction, and whatever your spread, and howsoever fast you are, you will only succeed if you fight like a fucking angel, fallen to fucking earth, with a heart absolute and full of conviction, without hesitation, doubt, or fear, no part of yourself divided against the other...”
“[His] domestic competence [is] utterly alien to her, a kind of miracle. He is saying, 'I am in love with George Eliot! My god! Middlemarch! That is a motherfucking book right there! Such a book—! She has a wonderful, broad, generous style; she writes the way I want my letters to Congress to sound, you know?'"
“She strips and cleans the SIG Sauer by the light of the oil lamp. She taps the magazine in and racks the slide and puts the gun to her temple, just to remind herself that she is never so trapped that she cannot escape. You have lost your guts. Lost your courage. You are disgraced. But, you are still here.”

1. Don't read this book if you get triggered by sexual trauma.

This is a terrifying book for just about anyone, but I can't imagine how bad it might be for someone who has been sexually assaulted or abused, especially by a loved one.

But then again, maybe this is just the book you need — because this is definitely a survivor's story. Turtle's journey is powerful allegory on survival. Gallant doesn't sugar coat anything, but I think that's one of the reasons I loved it. Talk to your therapist first if you're not sure.

2. Don't read this book if you're offended by vulgar language.

Gallant uses the c-word and the p-word pretty regularly throughout the book. Although I hate that kind of language in "real" life, in this context it served to sharpen the prose and create a very real world for the readers. It served to highlight the danger and emotional abuse that was depicted in the book.

Maybe just knowing ahead of time that the language is vulgar is helpful (I hope so — I think you should read this book if you can). Perhaps that way you can decide that you aren't going to let the language bother you like it would if someone used them in front of you.

The violence and the language in this book reminds me a little bit of the show "Breaking Bad." I remember being deeply disturbed at the violence of the show — but also thinking that the violence clearly (and compellingly) moved the plot forward to serve the story. I hate violence for violence's sake (I stopped watching The Walking Dead for that exact reason), but I can get on board if the violence serves the story in a way that's compelling and not overdone.

3. The setting is just as much a character as Turtle and the other main characters.

I love books that feature the land as character. Two books (that I loved) that come to mind are *Mink River by Brian Doyle and *The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah (read my review of Hannah's The Nightingale here). Interestingly enough, both of these books are set at least partly in the Pacific Northwest. The rocky shoreline, the redwoods, the ocean and the various plants and animals Gallant lists throughout the book serve to create an experience of being alive and right next to Turtle as she picks her way through the wilderness.

4. You will love this book if you love stories about strong women outdoors.

Turtle has been raised to be the consummate outdoorswoman. She knows how to survive in the woods, how to butcher animals, find food and stay drive. She can fire a weapon and use a knife. Knowing all these things both keeps her trapped and saves her — this may be one of the overarching themes of the book. Nature is a bitch, but she's a powerful force for good as well.

5. This book is very polarizing

If you read the reviews, there are lots of polarizing views.

But for me, this book was a reminder of all the things I love about great literature: It asks us to confront difficult choices; it gives us an opportunity to understand the deep fears, dreams and motivations behind people who, from the outside, look just plain awful. It uses real language, and depicts scenarios that no doubt actually happen in our world.

Some of the reviewers accused the book of profiting off of pain. Literature is art, and for some people who read this book, and see a character who fights a good fight, it is inspiring.

Honestly, this book reminded me of how I felt reading *All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. Like a terrible, beautiful, very important thing had been put in the world, and my whole life was consumed by it the moments my eyes flashed over the text.

Read this book if you love great writing, and feel that tragedy can serve a purpose. Don't read it if you just can't handle any more terribleness in your life (and these days, there's a lot of terrible stuff going on in the world, so I completely understand).

Other book reviews at Outdoor Book Club you might enjoy:

Have you read the book? Do you have questions about it?

Leave a comment below and I'll answer it!

What every woman needs to know about camping alone in 2019

9/8/2019

This post was originally published in November, 2013.

Whether it's bad weather, unsavory bad guys or wild animals, some women think that camping alone is only for the very brave or very crazy. But that's just not the case. If you've got the right gear, right preparation and the right attitude, camping alone can provide just the right combination of adventure, peace & quiet and much-needed rejuvenation. It's one of my favorite ways to reconnect with myself and nature.

Why spend time outdoors by yourself?
Camping by yourself is a great way to spend some quality time with the one person who probably needs it the most: you. The simple act of being around trees, rivers, lakes and the woods can take you from being a burned out, over-stressed crazy lady to a zen, bring-it-on kind of Wonder Woman.

There's nothing that will build your self-esteem and sense of accomplishment faster than packing all your gear in the back of your car and heading outdoors by yourself. (Plus you'll have the best story on book club night — which brings me to the best reason you should get outdoors: uninterrupted reading time!)

Here are seven tips to help you feel safe and relaxed while camping by yourself:

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7 Solo Camping Tips for Women

1. Prepare mentally.
This is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do. Take some time to channel your inner Katniss Everdeen or even author Cheryl Strayed in her book *Wild . Imagine yourself as strong, capable and a total total badass, ready to take on whatever challenge the outdoors can throw at you. Journal about your fears, then switch roles and play the wiser, braver version of yourself and answer those fears. Next, minimize risks by following the rest of my tips to give you even more confidence.

2. Test Your gear.
Don't over pack, but make sure you have everything you need (this can be a hard balance for many women to strike). Bring a first aid kit, and know how to use it. Also bring bear spray, mace or a knife (one of these should be in every woman's standard hiking/camping gear) for emergencies, and understand how it works. ALWAYS practice setting up your tent and using your cook stove before you leave.

3. Let someone know your plans.
It's always a good idea to let several people know where you're going and when you'll be back. If you're going to a campground or state park, let the ranger/hosts know that you're there, and if you have any medical problems. Also, it never hurts to ask, "Is there anything I need to know?"

Some women like the extra confidence of having an emergency radio — one of my best friends, who often hikes in very remote areas, has a *Garmin In Reach Mini Satellite Communicator which allows her to always have a way to contact authorities in an emergency. These are pretty expensive tools, though, and I really only recommend them if you're going to be in the wilderness or so terrified there's no other way you'd go camping by yourself.

4. Pick a well-worn route.
Pick a trail or area that you're familiar with, and have visited before — barring that, pick a destination that's known to have good cell phone reception. State campgrounds are good options, as are private campgrounds — especially if you're just starting out.

The more experienced you are, the more you'll want to move out to less crowded campgrounds. The tradeoff is more peace and quiet.

5. Know your limits.
Start small, with a day hike so that you can become familiar with the area. If you're going to be gone for more than one night, make sure you're physically (okay, and mentally) capable of taking on a solo trip - be honest when it comes to your limits.

Build up to what you'll be taking on through walking, running and lifting weights, and make sure you have the appropriate food, water and all the right backpacking gear (including good shoes, a warm sleeping bag and the ability to pee in the woods) before you go.

6. Bring your dog.
A canine companion can provide just the right amount of company, though make sure you know the rules of the campground or area where you'll be bringing your pooch. Also make sure you pack extra gear and food so that Fido is comfortable and doesn't become more of a burden during the time when you're supposed to be re-charging your mental health.

A word of warning: sometimes your dog just isn't cut out for camping, and so your weekend away in the woods becomes super-stressful as you try to manage their anxiety. Know your dog's limits — sometimes a vacation includes getting away from the responsibility of dog ownership as well (assuming you have someone at home that can take care of your dog).

7. Bring a great book.
This is your chance to have some amazing reading time - make sure you take advantage of it! Whether you spend the whole time snuggled up in your sleeping bag with a book in front of your face (personally, my absolutely FAVORITE place to read is in my *hammock, or intersperse your reading time with some strategic hikes or cooking some gourmet meals for yourself, novels make great camping companions.

Looking for some great book recommendations while you're out in the woods? I've got you covered.

Camping by yourself isn't difficult or hard — it just seems that way if you've never done it before. Take the leap and you'll find it truly rewarding. What other tips or questions do you have when it comes to camping alone?

Leave a comment or question below and I'll answer it!

10 Best Facebook pages for people who love books [UPDATED FOR 2019]

9/1/2019

With millions of new books being published every year, finding great sources of book reviews and reading recommendations can be overwhelming. And while Instagram and Twitter both offer a plethora of great reading materials, Facebook is still where I go to find interesting and new literary ideas, including book recommendations

Here are 10 of the best Facebook pages I use to keep on top of all things bookish: reviews, best-sellers, unique lists or just funny/inspiring reading memes.

Amazon Books
It's not surprising that Amazon knows books, but it was surprising that their book-specific Facebook feed has so much good content. Sneak peeks at new books, must-read lists from all genres, interviews with authors and book recommendations. Basically, there's a wide variety of book-related news and inspiration.

Book Riot
Book Riot's fresh, sarcastic style makes it one of my favorite book sites, and I actually look forward to getting their newsletters on Sundays. Check them out — they make being a book lover seem super cool. They've got some great book-related podcasts as well, so you can listen to experts and smart people talk about why books are important, plus discuss the latest news in your favorite genre.

Buzzfeed Books
This page has everything you'd expect from Buzzfeed — genre lists ("X Best Romance Novels...), cool bookish products, funny memes and general irreverence that we've all come to know and love about Buzzfeed. Somehow scrolling through their feed doesn't feel like I'm wasting time when I'm on Facebook.

Friday Reads
I love the idea of thousands of strangers sharing what they're reading every Friday (as much as I love sharing what I read with them). This is a cute little page with a real community feeling around it — plus they have a lot of giveaways. Check them out.

Goodreads
Anyone who uses the Goodreads site or app will find their Facebook posts a nice complement to the site's other content. Author birthdays are my favorite; check the comments in their various "What are you reading?" posts to discover new reads.They also often feature reader-generated content.

Literature Is My Utopia
A little more intellectual & "heady," LIMU shares lots of inspirational quotes and old-timey author photos. They do a great job with their memes as well.

The Millions
Book nerds unite! Again, another place for readers, not just book lovers. Their online community is smart and passionate; reading the comments is as enlightening as the posts themselves.

NPR Books
Keep up-to-date on the books that everyone is talking about. Includes links to recent author interviews, reviews, and book picks, as well as conversations about what you're reading, the future of publishing, and other lit-ish links. Basically everything you'd expect from NPR: Smart, often tongue-in-cheek articles about everything books.

Shelf Awareness
A more humorous approach for book lovers. Lots of memes, links, giveaways and LOLs. I love this site for all the shareable cartoons about how great/awful it is to be a bookworm.

Books & Mortar
I'm including my favorite local indie bookstore because "Bookseller Jennie" does such a great job detailing her journey as a independent bookshop. She hosts tons of events and generally keeps her tight little community updated on great books and worthy causes. Whatever your local indie bookstore is, be sure to give them some Facebook (and IRL) love! (Honorable mention: Bay Books near Suttons Bay, Michigan)

Where do you go on Facebook to get your book fix? Let us know in the comments.

The 2019 Ultimate Backpacking Gear Guide for Women (including how to backpack on the cheap)

8/29/2019

We all eventually come to a love-hate relationship with gear (love what it does, hate what it costs).

Women generally fall into two camps when it comes to gear: Loving it or feeling completely overwhelmed by it.

Usually the former comes before the latter. It's like the five stages of grief, only with more waterproofing and straps.

My first backpacking trip, I made a ton of mistakes, like forgetting to check my tent poles and not bringing a map ("I'll just use my phone!"). I got lost and wore too-tight hiking boots so my feet had horrible blisters.

But I still had an amazing, strength-building experience that I'll never forget.

Seven years after that first trip, a whole corner of my basement is filled with plastic tubs filled with gear. It's become sort of an addiction. I used to get giddy over a pair of great heels. Now? I get giddy over a *sleeping pad designed for side sleepers or *tent twinkle lights.

The bad news for women new to backpacking is that gear can be expensive. Really expensive. Tents, sleeping bags, backpacks and more all can cost hundreds and even thousands of dollars.

But the good news is twofold: First, you don't need a bunch of stuff to get started, and second, you don't need to spend a ton of money. There are plenty of cheap options available if you're still not sure if backpacking is your thing (though I totally hope it's your thing)

So lace up your boots, grab an extra Nalgene bottle of water — I'm going to give you EVERYTHING you need to know to go backpacking — often for not much money. And for those of you just starting out (who also happen to love shopping), you may have just met your next true love — or worst enemy: gear.

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Backpacking for Women: Gear Essentials

Here are all the essential gear you HAVE to have for backpacking. (Later in this post I go into a few luxury items you might want to consider once you get a little more experienced and decide, like so many of us, that you love being out in the woods and want to do it every chance you get.)

Tents
A lightweight tent will protect you from the elements and allow you to get a good night’s sleep. Some hardcore backpackers use a hammock made especially for sleeping (personally I love sleeping off the ground — but kinda hate the lack of privacy), or a few hardcore backpackers prefer basically a tarp or what’s called a bivvy sack.

If you’re new to backpacking, I suggest borrowing or renting a tent to gauge your preferences before you shell out the money for a new tent. Or, if you’re just going out for a night or two to see if you even like backpacking, just bring whatever you’ve already got (assuming it's not a four person tent or bigger).

What to look for in a backpacking tent
For purely weight reasons, you’ll want either the smallest “regular” tent you can find (1-2 person), or even better, a tent that is specific to backpacking — they are lighter than regular "car camping" tents and come in sizes based on the number of people they can hold. Manufacturers tend to name their tents with a number (i.e. the Nemo Kunai 2P or the Alps Zephr 3).

Other factors you might want to consider include how easy it is to set up, and possibly any bells and whistles you might want (for example, some tents use your *trekking poles as support, making them really light).

When I first started, I used a *Eureka! Solitaire — a very affordable, lightweight option, but ultimately I felt a bit King Tut like sleeping in a sarcophagus, so I graduated to *Big Agnes Scout UL 2 Person Tent I bought at our local second-hand gear shop (don't you wish you had one of these near you?). I love the tent for its simplicity, but not so much for it's breathability.

Honestly, because I'm cheap I still don't have a backpacking tent I just love — I mostly use either the aforementioned Big Agnes tent, my backpacking hammock with a tarp, or my husband"s old REI 2-person tent which is 20 years old.

Ready to spend more?
(Skip this section if you're looking to hike affordable, because these tents are definitely on the pricier side — i.e. $300+). Here are a few recommendations from my backpacking besties:

Mary, who has a bum knee and wanted the lightest tent she could find, bought a *Big Agnes Copper Spur. It's light and has nice vestibules on either side for easy access to your pack.
Rachelle (known on the trail as Ranger Rachelle because she's so outdoorsy) loves her *Big Agnes Ultralight, but says, "If I were to choose I would want a long side zippered entry, not a head entry, although the vestibule is nice for boots."
Christine, who is the biggest gear junkie I know, swears by her *MSR Hubba Hubba NX 2-Person.
Donna used her *Nemo Hornet 2P on Isle Royale (among other places) and was pretty happy with it.

*NOTE: With a backpacking tent usually you can count on the tent holding only as many people as it says — with NO room for gear. This is why all the women above have 2P tents, so they can fit their gear without feeling crowded. When my husband and I go backpacking (often with our dog), we bring our 3 person tent so we can all sleep comfortably with our gear inside the tent.

How much should my tent weigh?
A good rule of thumb is to keep the weight to less than three pounds per person — and anything less than that is fantastic, though keep in mind that your lower-weight tents are going to be noticeably less roomy. With a solo tent, it’s good to keep the weight to 2-3 pounds. Two people backpacking tents are usually around 3-5 pounds (but can go as high as 6 and as low a 1 pound).

How much should I pay for a backpacking tent?
You can get away with paying around $100 for a good two-person tent, or upwards of $2,000 for an all-weather, extremely light and technical tent.

How tough should my tent be?
Most backpackers, especially those who only go once or twice a year, only need a three season tent which will be sufficient to keep you warm and dry from spring until fall. Of course there are various options depending on the climate where you’re traveling — for instance, it’s nice to have a rainfly you can remove to look up at the stars if you’re camping someplace dry.

NOTE: Some people think they need to waterproof their new tent with special sprays — be forewarned, it’s not necessary and may even damage your tent. Also, know that in order to keep you dry INSIDE the tent, your tent needs to have some breathability. Otherwise the condensation gets trapped inside and you wake up soaked in your own breath/sweat (GROSS). Some people like to *waterproof the seams of their tents, especially if the tent is getting worn, but for most new tents it’s not necessary.

Do I need a tent footprint?
A footprint is a ground cloth that’s usually custom-cut to the size of your tent. It’s supposed to protect your floor from rips and tears.

My personal opinion? Leave ‘em at home. They just take up space in your backpack and most tents are plenty durable if you pick the right spot to set them up.

LADY TIP: ALWAYS PRACTICE SETTING UP YOUR TENT AT HOME BEFORE YOU HEAD OUT.
Even if you’ve had the tent for awhile and used it several times, make sure you always set it up before you go, to air it out and check to see if there are any holes or missing tent poles or stakes. I once went out on a three day backpacking trip missing a tent pole, and it poured rain. It worked just well enough to keep me basically dry, but I was pretty much pinned to the ground the entire night, and I had to closely watch the roof so that the water didn’t pool.

Miscellaneous tent tips:

If possible don’t store the tent all folded up in its storage bag. I know, it’s tempting to keep it in it safe in its nice, neat little package, but it’s more likely that 1) your tent will smell weird and 2) you’ll create fold lines that will damage the tent over the long term. If you have to store it in its carrying case, fold it along different lines each time.
Never store your tent wet.
Choose non-sunny spots to pitch your tent to cut down on the UV damage.
When it’s breezy, mosquitoes will gather behind your tent to avoid being blown away. Pitch your tent so the door faces into the breeze so you can avoid letting them all into your sleeping area.
Be careful when you break down the tent poles — try starting in the middle to reduce the stretch on the cords.

If you choose well, your tent will serve you well for many years, and you'll come to have a certain affection for it. It kept you dry, was your home base for some exciting adventures.

Your Backpacking Sleeping Bag: A Woman's Best Friend

Even in very warm temperatures, you’re going to need a sleeping bag. Most outdoor environments get significantly cooler at night (the only exception to this might be if you’re literally hiking in the jungle) and besides that, you’re going to want someplace comfortable to bed down.

On that note, the $30 cheap sleeping bag you bought at the Dollar General will only do the trick if it’s very mild outside — and it’s going to add a ton of weight and bulk to your pack. If you just don’t have the money (or the friends) to buy or borrow something better, it will do. Like most gear, it’s always a balance between what you want to spend and what you’re willing to bear.

Three considerations when buying a backpacking sleeping bag:
If you do decide to spend some money on a sleeping bag, there are three things you need to consider: temperature, weight and materials.

With temperature, often the bag has its temperature right in the name, just like tents (i.e. the *Marmot Trestles 15). Most of us won’t be camping in weather colder than 50 degrees, so a 30 degree bag should suit you fine.

A option to increase the warmth of your sleeping bag is to add a *sleeping bag liner to your pack. These usually add another ten degrees of warmth to your sleeping bag, but they’re also nice if it’s going to be really hot and you just want something lightweight to sleep in.

LADY TIP: Women tend to get cold when backpacking at night. This means if possible, err on the side of bringing a warmer sleeping bag if you have the choice. If you're not sure if your bag will be warm enough, bring plenty of warm clothes to sleep in (hat, long underwear, fleece, wool socks).

Sleeping with cold feet is the WORST. One of the best backpacking hacks I know is to bring hand warmers & stick them in between two socks (one thin, one heavy).

Weight is a big deal with sleeping bags because they can be the heaviest thing in your pack (not to mention it usually takes up the most space). It’s a tradeoff between being comfortable at night versus being comfortable on the trail.

When I went July backpacking on Isle Royale — an island that’s as about far north in the continental U.S. that you can get — I brought my warmest sleeping bag because it also happened to be my lightest (read: expensive). The first couple nights it was hot (or hot for Isle Royale) which was around 60 degrees at night. I simply slept with the bag unzipped in minimal clothes (see the next section on clothing about what to bring to sleep in).

The rest of the nights when the temperature was closer to 45 degrees, I was very comfortable inside my sleeping bag, and in fact some of my favorite memories from the trip are waking up, snug and cozy in my sleeping bag, and listening to the wolves howl (!!).

The final thing to consider is the type of insulation you want: down, synthetic or water-repellent down. Insulation choice also is a financial choice, since down (goose or duck) sleeping bags, while very lightweight and compressible, are considerably more pricey. They also are ruined if they get wet, so you need to consider how well you plan to take care of your gear. Synthetic fills do better in damp, cold weather, but they’re heavier and bulkier. The new water-resistant down fills are great, but pricey.

Women's Backpacks: What You Need, What You Don't

The operative word in backpacking is, of course, backpack. So of course you need something to carry all of your stuff, and your library totebag won't cut it. You’ll need something with a ton of capacity. Here are your biggest considerations when choosing a backpack:

How long you plan to backpack
How comfortable you want to be
How you’re built (i.e. body type)
How much you want to spend

Trip length
Backpack capacities are usually measured in liters. If you’re going cold weather camping you’re going to need more space, and if you’re into ultralight backpacking you’ll need less.

For beginners going out for 1-3 days, a 35-50 liter pack should work fine (I see the *Osprey Aura AG 50 Women's backpack all the time on the trail), or try the *AmazonBasics Internal Frame Hiking Backpack with Rainfly if you’re looking for something smaller and cheaper.

Smaller backpacks force you to be more choosy about what you bring with you — which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your personality and the weight/bulkiness of the rest of your gear.

If you’re going for 3-5 days, a 50-80 liter pack will suit your needs better (personally I love my *Gregory 60L, which has a really nice suspension system). In fact, I use my 60-liter pack for most trips, even the shorter ones, because I have a system down for how I organize the pack.

If you're going out longer, then you'll likely need something bigger — but I don't recommend going out for longer than 5 days as a first-time backpacker unless you go with an experienced backpacker who you trust and that can help make sure you have the right gear.

Fitting your backpack
Now that you know the size, it’s time to make sure you have a good fit. A lot of women I know prefer women-specific packs, since they tend to fit our shorter torsos and wider hips better. Personally, I don't notice a difference between men's and women's packs (#pinkwashing), but most of my backpacking friends disagree.

For me, the most important thing is for the pack to sit comfortably on my hips — a full 80% of the weight of your pack should rest on your hips. I had one backpack that, despite cinching it as tight as I could on the waist belt, still wasn’t tight enough (and I’m not exactly Kate Moss when it comes to waist size, either). That pack put a lot of pressure on my back, which let’s face it, isn’t as sturdy as it used to be.

Also, keep in mind that torso length is different from overall height. Many packs have options to adjust the tension for torso length, which I’ve found to not be all that useful, but maybe you will.

Other adjustable parts of the backpack include the “load lifter” straps located at the top of the shoulder straps, which ideally you’d like to form a 45 degree angle between the pack and the straps. There’s a sweet spot with these, and you just have to experiment with how they feel the most comfortable, where they keep the pack from pulling too far away from your body, which adds extra stress to your lower back.

The chest strap that goes across your sternum adds a small layer of stability. PRO TIP: I find the chest strap most useful for reducing swelling in my fingers while I’m hiking. I hook my fingers facing in on my chest strap and let my elbows hang, which keeps my fingers from looking like sausages at the end of the day.

Backpacking Frame Types
Every once in awhile out on the trail you see some old timer — or some way over-geared dude — carrying an external frame backpack. They look like something your grandfather might have used. Apparently these packs are good if you’re portaging a canoe or kayak, or really anything else big and awkward.

But Internal frame backpacks are the industry standard. They have a built-in frame that hugs your body and keeps you stable on uneven trails, and often is designed to transfer more weight to your hips.

Frameless backpacks are basically for ultralighters or superheroes. They’re awkward and don’t offer much support, but I guess they do save on weight.

Packing Your Backpack
Today’s backpacks have a million different straps and compartments, so it can be hard to keep everything organized and accessible. However, if you can follow your mother’s rule of “A place for everything and everything in its place,” you’ll find yourself in a much more Zen place when unpacking after a hard day’s hike or trying to find your raincoat when it starts pouring.

The main compartment of the bag is for the biggest, bulkiest items, like your stove, food and clothes. A rule of thumb is to keep the heaviest, bulkiest items in the middle of your pack so as not to throw off your center of balance.

Sometimes you’ll put your tent and/or sleeping bag in the main compartment, but it could be your pack will either have a separate compartment for those items, or that you’ll want to strap them on to your pack separately. I like to have my sleeping bag somewhere on/in my pack where I can use it as a comfy makeshift seat when I drop my pack for lunch or a snack. Often there are zippers on the sides or front of your pack that let you access the main compartment without pulling everything out, but I’ve found I don’t use them all that often.
The lid is the top of your pack where most of us store those items we use a lot: bugspray, the day’s snacks, a first aid kit or a map. I also put my overnight stuff there — toothbrush, wipes, deodorant. Some packs let you zip off the lid and use them as a sort of makeshift daypack, which seems really, really helpful when you want to do a day hike but don't want to take all your gear with you.
Side pockets are usually where people put their *Nalgene bottles, but they can also be for tent poles or anything else you need relatively quick access to. I keep my bigger first aid kit in one of my side pockets.
Hydration pack pockets are another fairly new feature, and one I absolutely love. Stopping to pull your Nalgene bottle out of your pack every 15 minutes to drink is a pain, but hydration packs mean I can carry a lot of water and walk while I sip water from a hose (the pack allows me to attach the drinking tube right across my shoulder). Staying hydrated is really, really important on the trail, and a hydration pack is much easier than juggling water bottles around. This is really more of a luxury item, but something to consider as you get more experienced.
Rain Cover. Most backpacks these days come with a rain cover that’s stored under the bottom of the pack. They’re like big shower caps that fit over your pack. A plastic garbage bag Inside your pack is a cheap, light and easy alternative (I always bring one because they fold up super small and you never know when you can use a little extra waterproofing).

Again, you’ll have to experiment with which features are important to you and how you want to organize your pack. It can be a bit of an art form, balancing comfort and access.

Backpacking Gear: Non-Essential Items

There are some pieces of equipment that aren’t required per-se, but will make your trip a whole lot more comfortable. If you're going backpacking, you should probably take these things with you (though technically, you could do without these items).

Stoves

I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to backpacking food and cooking. Personally, I have three stoves I use, depending on the situation (I did say that backpacking gear was addictive, didn't I?). Since many backpacking locations don’t allow you to build a campfire (this always surprises my non-backpacking friends), a stove is a must. And honestly, you don’t want to cook your food over an open fire — it’s almost always way too much work and has unappetizing results.

Luckily, today’s backpacking stoves are light and easy to use. (My husband recently pulled out his 20-year-old backpacking stove, and the contraption looked like it could’ve been used on the Space Shuttle, it had so many levers and cranks and components. Plus the fuel canister was almost as big as my head.)

Generally speaking, there are two categories of backpacking stove: canister fuel and liquid fuel, though the proliferation of outdoors-related startups have created a variety of alternative fuel stoves.

How to use a backpacking stove
Each stove is different, so make sure you read the directions and try it out at least once before you hit the trail. The canister stoves tend to have a device that basically screws into the canister, and lets you adjust the flame with a small knob on the side.

Once you’ve got the stove component screwed into the canister, turn the knob that regulates the fuel and use a lighter to light the gas. This is something that takes a little bit of practice; many women feel like they’re going to light themselves on fire, but rest assured you just need to be a little quick to pull your hand away as soon as it lights.

Now that you’ve got the flame (make sure you have your water or food ready to go in the pot before you light your stove so you don’t waste fuel), you then set your pot on top and let it cook. Canister stoves tend to boil water the fastest, but they also tend to be very touchy when it comes to simmering.

My favorite stove is my *Jetboil, which isn’t cheap, but it’s so reliable and easy to use that it’s one of my favorite pieces of gear. It works in wet weather, you can add a variety of extra accessories, like a *coffee press or a *skillet and it packs down pretty light. Plus its insulated cook pot means I don’t accidentally burn myself on the pot (though I do have to closely watch the pot because water boils in it fast).

If you’re looking for something smaller and lighter, the *MSR PocketRocket Stove is a good option, though then you need to get a separate pot. I've got one and it's always been very reliable. If you’re backpacking in really cold or windy weather, you may want to consider a windbreak so that you don’t waste too much of your fuel when it blows away in the wind.

I also have a *BioLite CampStove, which is kinda fun because you can charge your phone with it, but also a pain because you have to keep it going with small sticks (but it can also be nice because you don’t have to carry fuel canisters). So if you’re backpacking with a BioLite and you think it might rain, gather your fuel beforehand and store it so that you have something dry to burn.

How much stove fuel should I bring?
I find that store clerks always overestimate how much fuel you need to bring. Yes, it would suck to run out of fuel on the trail, but today’s stoves are very efficient and depending on the weather conditions and how long you need to boil your food and/or water, you probably won’t be using all that much fuel. A good rule of thumb is that, generally speaking, one 8 ounce canister of fuel can heat 60 cups of water. Ultimately, fuel consumption is something that you’ll just need to try to figure out through trial and error.

Final Stove Tips

Don't forget a lighter — in fact, bring two, just in case.
If you’re camping with a group (more than just two of you), you should bring more than one stove. Eating is one of the most enjoyable — and necessary — activities on the trail, but if you have to wait around for others to finish cooking their food before yours is ready, well, let’s just say “hangry” might have been invented on the trail.
Be very careful about using fuels interchangeably with different stoves. They can explode if used incorrectly, which you can imagine would be very bad in the backcountry.
Don’t use your stove in an enclosed space, and certainly not inside your tent. Carbon monoxide poisoning is a real thing.
Use a lid to avoid burning yourself and to shorten cook times.
Try and find the most level ground/rock you can to cook on. Tippy stoves are bad news.

Sleeping pads

toI would never go backpacking without a sleeping pad, unless maybe the zombies were attacking. Sleeping pads not only add comfort to your trip — getting a decent night's sleep is the difference between hating backpacking and loving it — it keeps you from freezing your ass off. The ground will suck all the warmth out of you and you'll hate nature and yourself within minutes of lying down.

For most women, I recommend buying the best sleeping pad you can afford.

I'm a side-sleeper, so I need my sleeping pads to accommodate the fact that there's a lot of pressure on my shoulders & hips. I have three pads that I use for varying situations:

*Klymit Insulated Static V Lite Sleeping Pad — When I'm sleeping by myself. It's comfortable yet packs down pretty small (after several tries!).
*Klymit Double V Sleeping Pad — This is a double sleeping pad which I use when I backpack with my husband, but I've also found it handy when I'm travelling with teenagers and we don't have enough beds for everyone.
*Nemo Astro Insulated Lite Sleeping Pad, Lemon Green, 25 Long — This is luxury at its best, a pad I borrowed from a friend and have never forgotten (nicknamed the "Princess Pad"). It's a little on the bulky side, and not exactly cheap but I've never had such a good night's sleep on the trail.

Backpacking Utensils & Dishes
This is another area that heavily depends on personal preference. I hate doing dishes and cleaning up on the trail, not only because I’m usually dead tired, but also because throwing out food, even traces of it, usually means a higher likelihood of attracting unwanted wildlife visitors. This means I have to put more work into food prep while still at home, but I’m ok with that. Others just want to throw some instant potatoes or ramen in their pack and head outdoors.

You can put your cookset together in one of two ways: Buy a prepackaged set of cookware that usually nests together well, or cobble together your own cookset, which has the advantage of being customized to your own needs (plus it’s cheaper).

Cooksets are made of all different kinds of materials. Aluminum is cheap and strong (enough), whereas titanium is light and incredibly strong. Depending on the cookware, silicon is also an option. Many utensils are made of heat-resistant plastic, which in most cases is fine, though I’ve had more than one “camping” spork break on me when I was stirring a thicker-than-usual stew.

I have a cheap cookset I bought at a local big box store, which fits inside itself and has collapsible, heat resistant handles. But frankly, I don’t bring it on many trips anymore because I do all my meals using the freezer bag method. I simply boil my water in the JetBoil, then pour it into the bag and wait for the meal to cook.

I also like to bring a mug for my coffee and occasionally soup. I love my aluminum Deschutes Brewing carabiner mug I picked up on a trip to Portland, OR, though my future gear wishlist (there's always a wishlist, no matter how much gear you have) has something that is collapsible yet still has a handle.

Water filter

If you're going out into the backcountry, and not carrying all the water you need with you (a very heavy proposition), you'll need a way to filter water. There's no quicker way to ruin a trip than with waterborne parasites.

Luckily, there are lots of options to help with purifying your water. I'll list them from the most popular to least.

*Sawyer Mini Water Filtration System — A lot "weekend warrior" backpackers have these. They can be a bit complicated to use at first, but they're pretty affordable and do the trick. It's what I started out with & it served me well (until the bag sprung a tiny hole, so make sure you have some duct tape wrapped around your lighter for emergencies like these).
*Katadyn Hiker Microfilter Pump — Most backpackers eventually graduate to something like this. More expensive, even more complicated (but still easy enough once you get the hang of it), but this is the best way to get all the clean water you need without a lot of hassle.
Chemical Additives — These are the cheapest water purifying options, but a lot of women don't like them because of either the taste, and/or the fact that they don't help with small particulate (you need to make sure you're not swallowing sand or the random bug that gets in the bottle). I've used both the *tablets and the *drops, and I think they're fine if you have nothing else, but ultimately prefer a water filter.
*Steripen — I've never used one of these, because they're expensive and don't filter out aforementioned particulate. But they're kinda cool gadgets if that's your thing.
LifeStraw — I have no idea how this company has managed to become so popular. These straws are the worst, and only suitable for emergencies. You have to suck REALLY HARD to get any usable water from them, which is not ideal when you're thirsty after a hot & sweaty hike. Also, don't even think of sticking them directly into a lake or stream with waves; all you'll get is a face full of dirty water. I'm not even going to link to them here, that's how stupid I think they are (my husband once got one as a gift, which is how I know).

Women's Hiking Boots for Backpacking

Taking care of your feet should be one of your very top priorities. One backpacking book I read devoted almost a third of its content to footwear. I thought that was a bit overkill at first, but after dealing with dozens and dozens of blisters, twisted ankles and lost toenails, I now realize just how important your footwear can be.

There are four general considerations when buying footwear: weight, breathability, durability and water resistance. Be careful about buying footwear that’s completely waterproof — you want to make sure that your foot’s sweat isn’t getting trapped inside your boot, which is a surefire way to get blisters.

So while the good news is that you may very well be able to get away with wearing your running shoes while backpacking, the bad news is that you don’t know until you try it.

For me, buying hiking boots/shoes is a bit like buying a mattress — you can spend a ton of money, and chances are that the more you spend the happier you'll be with your choice (psychology 101 at work!), but in the end it could be a cheaper version will work just fine for you.

Traditional hiking boots are heavy, they’re expensive and it turns out they’re really not all that good at protecting your feet anyway. Consider getting a pair of light hikers, cross-trainers or some people even backpack in sandals (that’s a bit extreme, though bringing sandals when backpacking is one of the best pieces of advice I can give you — camp shoes are like my third favorite piece of gear I take backpacking).

That being said, here are the types of backpacking footwear you might want to consider:

Hiking shoes — Marketed towards people who do a lot of day hiking, generally these shoes are low cut but still have sturdy soles.
Hiking boots — There are so many styles and options as to scare one away from backpacking. Per my earlier recommendation, I’d buy something light that doesn’t weigh your feet down. Your local REI or other outdoors store has good people working there, go ask them their thoughts.
Mountaineering boots — Unless you’re going mountaineering, I’d avoid these. It’s like buying an RV when all you plan to do is drive across town.

I have a pretty severe case of plantar fasciitis, and so my feet need all the support and love they can get. Earlier this year I bought these *Oboz Bridger B-DRY boots and I've been really happy with them (though I still need to stretch my feet after every hike). Plus they're RED!

Other tips

Buy your boots AT LEAST a half size bigger than your usual size. Your feet will swell on the trail, and you want to make sure your big toe never hits the front of the boot.
Try on boots at the end of the day, when your feet are more swollen.
Bring along your inserts when trying on boots.
Never EVER wear a new pair of boots on a backpacking trip. For god’s sake break them in for at least two weeks beforehand!
Invest in good, synthetic socks. My socks are like my fourth favorite piece of gear.

Women's Backpacking Clothing As Gear

One of the first things newbie women ask when backpacking is “What should I wear?” The type of clothes you wear out into the backcountry could make the difference between having a great experience and never wanting to step foot outdoors again.

Rule #1 NO COTTON
Wearing jeans, sweatshirts, t-shirts and cotton socks can make you miserable on the trail. Those clothing items are fine when you’re car camping and have easy access to indoor shelter, but out in the backcountry, they’ll soak up every bit of moisture and hold onto it until you literally want to die.

Bring poly blends instead — think any clothes that are designed specifically for athletics and working out.

My favorite camping clothes are the race shirts I get a 5ks — not the cotton ones, but the performance fabric, high-end shirts. Sure they’re more expensive, but they’re worth it when you’re both sweaty and cold in the middle of the woods. Many yoga pants, capris and even sports shirts are made of good wicking material.

Rule #2: Don't overpack
This is one of the biggest mistakes I see newbies making is bringing way too much, and thus overloading their pack and making it too heavy to carry enjoyably. Check your list, make sure you have everything you need, then leave the extra clothes at home. No one cares if you stink on the trail (in fact, getting dirty is part of the fun).

One special note: A lot of women have issues with certain kinds of fabrics irritating their skin. Wool is almost always a great option if this is you — today's wool activewear is lightweight, wicking and feels amazing. Just know that it's more expensive than synthetic materials, and you have to be careful not to put it in the dryer!

Here's a checklist of backpacking clothes I bring on my backpacking trips:

Hiking pants — Made of quick-drying material and generally built to be sturdy, I usually bring hiking pants even if it's going to be really hot — I just don't want to deal with the bugs. The All Women All Trails Facebook group I belong to really seem to like these *prAna Women's Halle Pants, especially for curvy ladies.
Hiking shorts You do you, but I've found a lot of women don't actually like hiking in shorts because they chafe; instead, they use compression shorts, leggings or capris. You can buy any of these at your local big box store (or even thrift store), though these *BALEAF compression shorts get a ton of kudos for being affordable, high-waisted and have POCKETS, always a good thing on the trail.
Wicking t-shirts — You'll be surprised at how quickly these shirts dry out after a rainstorm or even just lots of sweat. Pick these up at your local 5k or thrift store for next to nothing
Long-sleeve sun/wicking shirt — This shirt is going to serve a triple purpose (always a bonus when backpacking): it will keep you warm if the weather is cooler, it can help reduce sun exposure, and it can serve as your sleeping clothes at night. Here's where you might want to invest in wool, since so much of it covers your skin.
Fleece jacket — This will keep you warm around the campfire. The good news is there are lots of different kinds of fleeces, with varying degrees of warmth (and packability). I've been wearing my North Face fleece which I picked up at a thrift store 7+ years ago.
Puffy vest — If you're doing spring, fall or winter camping, bring your whole puffy jacket to make sure you don't get cold, but in the summer months, a puffy vest is perfect. It's generally worth it to pay a little bit more for vests that are more packable. I love my bright orange *Columbia Women's Heavenly Water Resistant Insulated Vest, both for its warmth and its visibility in the woods.
Synthetic underwear — Underwear is one of the few things that I will risk overpacking. Wearing dirty underwear is not only gross, it's unsanitary, so Once I bought a pair of high-performance *Ex-Officio undies after a particularly embarrassing incident on North Manitou Island — they were nice, but I'm not sure worth the money. In any case, throw in 1-2 more pairs than what you think you'll need.
Sports bra — How long a woman wears the same bra is a matter of personal preference (and time of year), so I'll let you decide how many you want to bring. Personally, I hate wearing sweaty sports bras once I stop hiking — so I've invested in a *SmartWool Bra that seems to do much better (also, see this article on the Battle of the Wool Bras for more options). I also sometimes just bring a bunch of extras, following the underwear rule (see above). Also, the fewer the hooks, the better.
Synthetic socks — Again, pay a little bit more for some good hiking socks to help you avoid blisters and keep your feet dry and warm. A good rule of thumb is to pack one pair of socks for every two days you'll be out, but I'll also say that, like underwear, having an extra pair of socks never killed anyone. I actually get my hiking socks from Costco (Kirkland brand — you can also get them on Amazon), where if you catch them at the right time, are really affordable. I also like to pack a pair of fuzzy sleeping socks to wear at night (more times than not I end up wearing them on the last day when I really want a clean pair of socks).

Other clothing items you might consider:

Hiking leggings: I love these — especially the ones with pockets. They reduce "chub rub," come in a variety of styles (summer, winter, high-waisted, capris, etc.) and are easy to wash in a pinch. These *Reflex 90 Degree High Waist Capris are a crowd favorite, but you can pick leggings up just about anywhere, including the thrift store.
Hiking skirts: For some reason, these are a really divisive issue in some circles. I don't personally wear them, but I have a lot of friends who swear by them. My friend can't stop talking about her *Prana Celesta skort, but recommends that you should buy it in a size bigger than you'd normally get.
Buffs: I love my buffs & bandanas. They keep the sweat out of my eyes, and if I pull them over my ears, it keeps the aggressive mosquitoes out. Plus they make trail hair look cool. I had a lightweight *Merino wool buff that I loved but then lost, so I've been using a buff I picked up at a running expo for free that a lawyer was giving away (best swag ever!).
Hats: Hats are a matter of personal taste. Some of us have our favorites, often because they have a story or brand we love behind them. Others need serious sun protection or warmth. I like a hat with a brim because it not only keeps the sun out of my eyes, if I'm wearing a bug net, it keeps it off my face. This totally dorky but totally awesome *fishing hat would do the trick nicely, especially if you have long hair (plus it's pretty cheap!).

Misc. Backpacking Items You Should Have in Your Pack

There are things you can't forget, that should be on your checklist, but that don't require a lot of explanation. Those items include:

First Aid Kit — There are plenty of affordable options at both big box stores and online. My husband uses the *Adventure Medical Daytripper First Aid Kit which is really good — it has everything from tweezers to bee sting pads, as well as standards such bandaids and ibuprofen. My first aid kit, over time, has just become something that I've added to, expanded and whittled down to the essentials over the years. You might want to think of adding extra ibuprofen, blister care and antihistamine, since you end up going through these elements pretty quick.
Food — Not technically gear, but I'll include it here anyway. For pre-packaged food, my girlfriends swear by Mary Jane's Farm vegan & vegetarian meals (bonus: you can burn the bags when you're finished with them). Personally, I cook & make all my meals, usually with a dehydrator, but that's next-level backpacking.
Headlamp — Get something cheap, but not too cheap. I've been using my *Princeton Tec Fuel Headlamp (70 Lumens) for seven years and only had to replace the batteries once so far.
Map — Do yourself a favor and invest in a good map. They make everything so much easier. Certainly don't just think you can use your phone to navigate, like I did the first time I went backpacking by myself. I ended up getting lost & had to stay an extra night in the woods because my phone died. If nothing else, print off that shitty map you found on the internet. It's better than nothing.
Knife — I don't use my knife very often, but I do like having it as a sort of safety blanket when I'm sleeping alone in the woods. I sprung for the Gerber Bear Grylls Ultimate Knife, but you would probably be fine with your standard pocket knife if you have one lying around.
Trowel — If you're going to go into the woods, you need to start getting comfortable with GOING in the woods, if you catch my drift. Don't be an asshole; bury your shit. I've used my *Grizzly Peak trowel for years, but this summer it broke while I was digging up some particularly hard dirt, so maybe you want to invest in this *aluminum trowel instead. Even a gardening trowel you have in the shed will work fine.

Other "luxury" backpacking items

There are some things that are totally unnecessary, but I LOVE having on the trail with me. Consider adding them to your Christmas list & acquiring them over time:

*PStyle — This is the gold standard for peeing standing up (which frankly, I think is one of the most empowering things I've ever experienced). My backpacking girlfriends CAN'T STOP TALKING about theirs. I have one, and it takes some practice, but it comes in pretty handy in the middle of the night (or trail).
*Helinox Zero — A chair? In the wilderness? YES. I'm telling you, this thing is my favorite piece of gear. It's pricey as hell, and adds a little extra weight and bulk, but it's worth every penny. After a long day of hiking with 30+ pounds on my back, being able to sit at the campfire and lean back in a chair is the best thing ever. Drinking my coffee while sitting in a chair and watching the sunrise is the second best thing ever. But I don't recommend getting this as a first time backpacker; wait until you have some experience under your belt before deciding to make this investment.
Backpacking pillow — Most men (and many women) just stuff their clothes into a sweatshirt or fleece and call it good, but for me, a pillow has made a huge difference in how comfortable I am when I sleep. Some pillows can be noisy (check your material) which is unhelpful when trying to fall asleep. I personally love my *Nemo Fillo, but you probably want to start with something simpler. Even a standard travel pillow is better than nothing.

Final Words: Your turn

Whew! Now that was a long post. I really did put my heart and soul into it, trying to give you as many options and tips as I could. But I know I could always do better!

NEWBIES: What burning questions did I leave unanswered? Leave them in the comments, and I'll answer as many as I can.

EXPERIENCED LADY BACKPACKERS: What advice do you have for newbies? Help a fellow future trail bestie out and leave your best backpacking hacks in the comments.

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How to plan a scavenger hunt for grownups in 2019 [UPDATED]

8/14/2019

As a dyed-in-the-wool adventurer, I LOVE scavenger hunts. The camaraderie, the competition, the crazy photos and videos — it's one of the best ways to bring people together and have a ton of fun, especially strangers or almost-strangers.

I've always wondered why people don't do them more often, but then I realized after putting my own hunt together for my birthday that they can be intimidating to plan.

So to encourage more people to get out there and design mind-blowing scavenger hunts for adults (there seems to be plenty out there about kids' scavenger hunts) I've put together this handy quick-reference guide.

Choose a theme
For my birthday hunt, I chose myself as a theme. Self serving? Yes — but it's my birthday and I'll do what I want to. Other theme ideas include a nature-themed scavenger hunt (you'd look for items out on the trail — though be sure to be considerate), a food-based scavenger hunt, or a bachelorette/girls night out party.

Having a theme will not only tie everything together in one appealing package, it will help you come up with better clues and items to include in the hunt. Also, with themes you can have participants to dress up in crazy costumes (and if Halloween has taught us anything, it's that dressing up = instant party enhancer).

Send the invite
It's best to schedule the event AT LEAST two weeks beforehand, though a month or more is better. Pick a location that works best for your group size and theme; personally, I think it's more fun (and safer) if you can do everything on foot and not have to drive anywhere (unlike the University of Chicago's scavenger hunt , which is perhaps the world's craziest, most difficult scavenger hunt ever invented — it spans several states and even goes into Canada).

Then decide how long you want the hunt to last — pick an end time and place, and deduct points for every minute a team is late.

Weather can be a factor in scheduling your scavenger hunt, so make sure people know to dress appropriately, especially when it comes to comfortable shoes. This may seem obvious, but at my birthday scavenger hunt, one of my friends wore flats (shoes), which made racing around the city difficult (and she ultimately ended up just quitting).

People should also know to bring their cell phone with a camera. Seems pretty obvious, but again, it's nice to give folks a heads up, in case their phone isn't fully charged or some other unforeseen issue.

Create the clue list
This is the most fun, if the most intimidating. Create a list that's long enough so that not everyone can get every item and they have to prioritize which items to get first. Assign points to each clue, awarding more points for more difficult items.

(I assigned a crazy amount of points to items that I knew no one would get, but still wanted to see if anyone had the cajones to do it — like getting a tattoo. You'd be surprised at the lengths people will go to in order to win cheesy prizes & bragging rights! Plus the pictures are hilarious.)

Keep the list secret until the day of the hunt — you don't want folks cheating ahead of time.

Some photo challenge ideas:

Create your own awkward family photo.
Find a bald stranger & kiss his head.
How many swings are at _________________ Park?
What is tonight’s featured pizza at [PIZZA JOINT]?
Your entire team wearing hats.
Catch the bus! Photo of your team jumping in the air in front of public transportation.
Ride a bicycle
Teach a stranger how to Floss (or Dab, or whatever the latest dance craze is)
Everyone under an umbrella
Tell a joke & have a stranger rate it by holding up 1-5 fingers (five = best)
Create a DIY sculpture with a tampon
Photo of a team member doing something they've never done before
Graffiti in a local business' washroom
High five a local town official

I'm sure you can come up with others that are specific to your theme and your location. Be creative!

How to plan a scavenger hunt for grownups

Tips for adding complexity to the hunt
To make things interesting, here are some ways to add complexities to your clues:

Hide a clue in a book at the library, giving participants only the call number (or even trickier, the ISBN number)
Require participants to sing or perform in order to get a clue
Have participants build an item from scratch, or possibly complete a craft before they get the next clue
Divide clues up into a puzzle (i.e. puzzle pieces or popsicle sticks with a message written across them when they're all lined up) and have participants collect pieces to figure out the final clue.
Snap a picture of a clue from either close up or an odd angle where a clue can be found.
Hot potato, hot potato, hot potato, hot! No team member can refuse the hot potato when tagged with it, but the team remaining with the hot potato will lose out on

The pre-hunt meetup
Have everyone meet at a pre-determined location. For me, I had everyone meet at our big library downtown, since 1) I love books, and I was the theme of the hunt and 2) it was a public location that had lots of parking.

It's a good idea to tell everyone to be on time, since one late person can hold up the entire hunt - so deduct points for people who are late to the kickoff!.

Once everyone arrives, give the rules of the hunt: time limits, rendezvous points, and remind people not to break any laws or otherwise be obnoxious to business owners or civilians (i.e. people who aren't part of the hunt).

We were surprised at how helpful people will be when you're nice and explain what you're doing, but there are others who will not want to participate. That's fine; don't hassle them because they don't want to play. Also, you may want to stipulate that team members cannot pay for any of the items (though that's up to you; in my hunt, the teams didn't have to buy anything to win, but a couple of teams did end up spending nominal amounts to buy a drink or get a receipt for exactly $1).

Once you've gone over the basic rules, hand out the clue list, bags to carry items and pens/pencils for each team.

NOTE: At this point, everyone may stop listening to you and start pouring over the list and strategizing with their team members, so make sure you get the most important points across BEFORE you hand out the list. Or not, and make it that much harder for them.

To wrap up the pre-hunt instructions, encourage everyone to think outside the box! For example, one of my clues was to find & take a picture of a Bill. I allowed a couple of teams to take a picture with a dollar bill for half points.

Warnings & other ideas
Here are some other ideas that will help your hunt go more smoothly:

Organize participants into teams before the official start time. It's nice to pair up people who don't know each other very well, but that have similar personalities or interests, but other times it's good to pair up friends to create an uber-competitive hunt.
Make sure you have a backup copy(ies) of the clues/challenges.
Send texts to everyone during the team offering bonus challenges.
Have the teams cross off the challenges that they get. You'll have to go back through and double check that they really did what they said, but it will make it much easier to tally points if you have a starting place.
Offer prizes, but understand that people mostly play because it's fun. I gave out pictures of myself in frames with inspirational messages (because I'm weird like that). I also gave away a cheap bottle of wine.

Make sure everyone has a bag to carry their items in. You might even want to provide a "home base" where teams can drop off their items early, though most people won't want to waste the time.
Don't serve alcohol before the scavenger hunt; you'll have plenty of time to imbibe afterwards.

Post-hunt meetup
After you send out everyone to chase down their challenges, it's time for you to relax — or at least head to the final rendezvous point to start setting up. I went to a local bar, ordered a beer and watched all the crazy pictures starting to come in on my laptop (I used iMessage, which makes it WAY more easy).

One thing I wish I would have done was set up a projector (or brought an HDMI cord) to display all the pictures for the after party, which would have gotten everyone in the mood. Make sure to watch the clock as the end time draws near; remember, you'll need to dock points for every minute a team/participant is late.

It helps if you can have someone as an assistant —someone to run interference with you and the teams, and they can help tally the points (the most time-consuming portion of the hunt — it really is much easier to have the teams tally as they go, and you simply confirm at the end).

Then comes the announcement of the winners, the bestowing of the awards, and finally, where everyone comes up to you and gives you a hug because they had such a great time and want to know when the next one is.

So that's it — how to have an adult scavenger hunt. If you have any tips, ideas or thoughts I'd love to hear them in the comments below. Maybe you'll get invited to my next epic scavenger hunt (or me to yours)!

Want an easier option? It's just $8 to download a pdf of 36 fun, creative challenges (plus points & rules) for any downtown area.

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Finally, I'll take the opportunity to plug GO Scavenger Hunts — which make it SO MUCH EASIER to run these hunts for team building or even bachelorette parties. We design the challenges, tally the points via our app, create an easy-to-use slideshow and just basically doing everything hard for you.

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Need a Short Trip? 8 Beginner Backpacking Trips for Women in Michigan

2/11/2019

Backpacking in Michigan is the BEST. No bears (to speak of), no wildfires (not like out west) and generally speaking, backpacking in the Mitten state is very low risk. But if you're a woman just starting out, you may have no idea where to begin. Here are eight safe, low-stakes options in Michigan for newbie lady backpackers to get a feel for what it's like to carry all your stuff into the wilderness, set up camp, sleep outside, then pack it all out again (spoiler alert: it's amazing).

Jack Pines

A group of newbies ready to go at Jack Pines Campground. Credit: Lia Jensen

Located in one of my FAVORITE outdoor places in Michigan — Ludington State Park — the Jack Pines Hike-In Campground is one of my favorite beginner backpacking sites. It's located just on the other side of the dunes of Lake Michigan, so at night you can fall asleep to the sound of waves. There's a pit toilet and water pump, and many of the sites have picnic tables, which is nice when you're first starting out.

In order to get to the campground (it's nestled inside the state park), you need to hike a mile in with your gear — the perfect distance to get away from all the crowds at Ludington (at least in the summer). However, you need to reserve your site ahead of time, so make sure you get online early. Once you're there, there are miles and miles of beautiful hiking trails to explore. Plus, if you wimp out and get hungry for some restaurant food, the beautiful town of Ludington isn't too far a drive!

Sand Lakes Quiet Area

Packed up & ready to go at the Sand Lakes Quiet Area rustic campground. Photo credit: Lisa Edwards

The best thing about Sand Lakes is that it's not that well known — so if you're looking to get away from the backpacking crowds (yes, there is such a thing), consider Sand Lakes Quiet Area.

One thing I do warn visitors is that, as late as fall of 2017, the water pump was broken at the "campground" (really it's just a collection of worn spots & a pit toilet next to a marshy lake), so you need to be prepared to get water from the lake. And like I said, the lake is surrounded by mud and cattails, which makes getting the water into your filtering system a little tricky (but it can be done). Just be prepared!

But there's great hiking in the surrounding area, and if you decide you really only want to do one night in the "wilderness" there's a state campground (Guernsey Lake State Forest Campground) nearby that's really nice and hardly ever full.

Manistee River Loop

Lunch break on the Manistee River Loop. Credit: Donna Wilson

Because of its incredible popularity — and the damage that's resulted from that popularity — apparently local Michigan Hiking & Backpacking Meetups have officially stopped mentioning or promoting the Manistee River Loop to new backpackers. There's been too much trash, too many people driving in on old logging roads with their pickup trucks and beer coolers.

But I figure it's not the trail's fault people are destructive assholes! So I say go try it (though read up on it first). It's one of the best loops in Michigan, offering the perfect weekend trip for women who are beginners, with beautiful views and close proximity to civilization so you don't have to feel so remote..

Pro Tip: Plan on spending the night on the east side of the river — suitable campsites are few and far between on the west side.

Waterloo Pickney Trail

"Waterloo-Pinckney Trail is a 33.9 mile lightly trafficked point-to-point trail located near Grass Lake, Michigan that features a lake and is good for all skill levels," says AllTrails.com. This is the only trail on the list that I have very limited experience with, but I wanted to add something for east-siders to visit. This trail is one-way, so you'll need to have two cars or some way to get back to your vehicle from the starting point. Do your research on which section of the trail you'd like to attempt — because 34 miles is NOT for beginners!

South Manitou Island

Avoid eroding sensitive dune ecosystems by walking on them (unlike the knuckleheads in this photo).

If you have to choose between North Manitou Island and South Manitou Island (you can reach them both via the Manitou Island Transit), newbie backpackers should opt for the latter — South has many more amenities such as bathrooms and water pumps. My husband has taken his three teenage boys camping on South Manitou twice, and both times they've had great experiences .

When you feel ready & have some experience under your belot, come back and visit North Manitou Island — it's one of my most favorite places on earth. Peaceful, gorgeous sunsets, and it's just remote enough to feel like you're really getting away from the world..

Nordhouse Dunes

Beautiful morning at Nordhouse Lake — accessible only by hiking in. Credit: Lisa Edwards

One of the most gorgeous natural ecosystems in Michigan, Nordhouse Dunes is a National Forest and a very popular place for backpacking, since it offers dispersed camping along the shores of Lake Michigan. Most seasoned backpackers avoid the location since in summers it fills up with college students dragging giant coolers of beer (there's no one as dedicated as a college boy with his beer). But if you can get there early and claim your secluded spot — the dunes offer a lot of privacy if you do it right — the views and the hikes are incredible.

Your own backyard

Me, dreaming of wilder places in my backyard.

If you're nervous about backpacking, one of the best places to start is your backyard, or even a local park. BUT DON'T STAY IN CITY PARKS OVERNIGHT. Just set up your gear, maybe even cook a meal using your stove to get a feel for what it's like. Lie in your tent and smile and sigh, and imagine what it would be like to leave it all behind and do some serious shinrin-yoku. It's a great first step toward getting comfortable and feeling safe with the idea of backpacking.

Seasoned backpackers — what are your tips for newbies? Leave them in the comments below.

5 Reasons to Read: Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead by Tara Mohr

2/10/2019

It's unclear as to how I first came across *Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead by Tara Mohr. I want to say it was through the Women At Work podcast (another HIGHLY recommended resource) but I can't be sure.

However it just showed up in my life (just before the holidays in 2018), it's now been kicking around in my head ever since. I've bought four additional hard copies from my local bookstore (Books and Mortar!) to give away to friends. I've also downloaded the *audiobook so I could listen to it again and again while driving or getting ready in the morning (more on this later).

This book has significantly changed how I think about my goals, my interactions with others, what I feel called to do professionally and how I frame professional and personal challenges.

So it makes sense I want to share it with as many women as possible!

(DISCLAIMER: Other than Amazon's standard affiliate payout if you buy the book through my links — which isn't much — I'm not getting paid anything to hype this book. It's just that good.)

So here they are — Five reasons to read Playing Big:

Reason 1: Call a staff meeting with the voices in your head.

There are lots of pervasive, cultural roadblocks that hold women back — a long history of gender discrimination and lack of access to resources are two that immediately come to mind — so many of which are out of our control. What's nice about Mohr's book is that she gives back some control to women in the forms of voices that are already talking in our heads. That's where your inner critic and inner mentor come in (the first two chapters of the book).

Mohr is the first person (resource?) to give me a clear, tactical roadmap on how to best deal with my inner critic. As women, we've been raised with certain ideas about how the world works, and those ideas and perspectives are so ingrained into our thinking that it's extremely difficult to overcome — even if those ideas and perspectives are flat out wrong (not to mention mean!).

In a nutshell, here's what she helped me do:

Clearly identify my critic's voice (which can be fairly difficult — because let's face it, mostly our critic often sounds exactly like our own voice) and then
Move past the internal tape of criticism (which Anne Lamott hilariously calls "KFKD") with grace and confidence.

On the flip side of the inner critic is your inner mentor — one of the most powerful tools in the book. There are so many reasons why I love this tool. If you've been disappointed with past mentoring experiences, either because you and your mentor just weren't on the same page, or there simply was no mentor available for where you wanted to go, take heart. We have access to the wisdom we need in order to play bigger — and it's within ourselves! Once again, Mohr gives us a tool that's easy to understand and use, in the form of a meditation.

Many women say the inner mentor work is some of the most powerful work they've done, and for me, it was worth the price of the book.

"Playing big doesn’t come from working more, pushing harder, or finding confidence," said Mohr. "It comes from listening to the most powerful and secure part of you, not the voice of self-doubt."

Reason 2: Name and own your fear

Click on the photo to go read more about Mohr's 12 steps.

Chapter 3, "A Very New Old Way of Looking at Fear" uses two Hebrew terms for fear which has been extremely helpful for me to name and identify my feelings of anxiety when it comes to taking risks:

Pachad: The fear of projected or imagined things, “the fear of the phantom, the fear whose object is imagined.”
Yirah has three related meanings: 1. The feeling that overcomes us when we inhabit a larger space than we are used to. 2. The feeling we experience when we suddenly come into possession of considerably more energy than we had before 3. What we feel in the presence of the divine

Think about it: When you have the choice to play bigger in your career or even your personal life, that choice with a ton of fear. But not all fear is the same! By reframing what the fear actually feels like, you're able to manage it in a way that feels powerful and even exhilarating.

You really need to read the book to get the whole explanation, because I can't do it justice, but I know that by being able to look at fear differently, I have been able to make stronger, more confident decisions (plus help council my friends and students on how to move past the things that scare them).

"That’s the problem with pachad—it fires way too frequently, often simply in an attempt to protect us from emotional risks that we don’t really need (or want) to be protected from. When we feel pachad, we need to work on shifting away from responding out of fear so that pachad doesn’t dictate our actions."

Reason 3: Take the Leap

A lot women I know (who admittedly are mostly white and upper-middle class) are control freaks. Certainly I am. So often when our jobs, relationships, health, spaces and families feel out of our control, we desperately try to lock down and manage the chaos so we feel less anxious about it.

But often that control shows up as hiding and stalling: Saying we're not ready, that we need to get more money or education (that's a BIG one — check out this NY Times Opinion W hy Girls Beat Boys at School and Lose to Them at the Office for more on how women often use education as a sort of shield against playing bigger).

"The antidote to all that hiding and stalling is a special kind of action called a leap," says Mohr. This chapter took some time to really sink in for me. On some levels I'm good at leaping, but if I'm honest with myself, most of my "leaps" are pretty safe. Mohr has said that many women end up reading the book more than once (*hand raised*) and the chapters that resonated the first time through are different than the second time. Chapter 7 definitely felt this way to me.

"Leaping changes your concept of self from I want to be a woman who . . . to This is who I am."

Reason 4: Let yourself off the hook.

As a writer, Chapter 4, "Unhooking From Praise and Criticism" resonated so strongly with me I kept listening and reading it over and over again, each time amazed at what new thing I learned and absorbed.

In this chapter Mohr talks about her personal experience of growing up being praised as for her writing skills, but then later on became so paralyzed by praise and criticism she had to stop.

As Mohr grew older she started to become obsessed with getting praise for her work, while at the same time going to great lengths to avoid even the most constructive criticism. Her writing process became so fraught with anxiety that she stopped writing entirely for seven whole years. This follows my own path so closely that I fell to my knees in the shower listening to Mohr speak about it. I'd never realized how much being hooked into praise and criticism held me back.

As an entrepreneur, writer and even professor, I am forced to deal with criticism all the time. And yet I still hate it. I often avoid reading student feedback because I can't stand the feelings that are wrapped up with their comments. This chapter really helped me reframe praise and criticism so that I could actually benefit from reading feedback.

"Playing big is a kind of bold and free motion, and both the fear of criticism and seeking of praise limit that movement. When we are petrified of criticism or are in need of constant approval, we simply can’t play big. We can’t innovate, share controversial ideas, or pursue our unique paths."

Reason 5: Easy is the new hard.

Mohr's advice in Chapter 10 is a breath of fresh air. As women, we are always striving, always working so damn hard to prove we're okay, that we're good enough (if you struggle with this, you should check out Brene Brown's *The Gifts of Imperfection, another book which changed my life). Being everything to everyone is really, really hard work.

Mohr gives us several other ways to frame and think about our goals, so that goal-setting feels less like a burden and more natural, more fulfilling, more in service to both ourselves and the world.

“I’ve come to know, in my own life, and in the lives of the women I work with," says Mohr, "that where we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love — not just self-love as an attitude, but self-love manifested through the routines and rituals that we set up to enable the changes we desire to happen naturally and with ease.”

Powerful stuff.

"We want to set up plans for action that work for 'the most exhausted version of ourselves' not an idealized version of ourselves."

Have you read *Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead by Tara Mohr? Are there other books you've read that you've found helpful in your journey to more fully step into your life? Leave your comments below!